the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
