Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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