You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
