You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
