You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
