I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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