that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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