My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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