Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
