so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
