That's when you crack a 10am beer
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
