3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
