All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
