I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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