last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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