explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
