His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
