ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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