Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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