I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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