just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
