You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
