You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
