If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize