I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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