I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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