nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
