I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
