Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
