I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize