We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
