I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
