so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
