I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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