I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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