cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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