i may or may not be watching the land before time
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
