So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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