i love accidental penises.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
