Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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