I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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