it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
