Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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