So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
