An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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