That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
