That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
