Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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