i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
