Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
