Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
