Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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