he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
