Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
