The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
