I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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