Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
