You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
being pregnant is like rehab
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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