return my video game
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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