I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize