Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
