pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
