I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
