my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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