Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
