i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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