If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
