dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
