nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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