I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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