How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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