Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
