our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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