You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
