Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
